How I Accepted And Understood My Husband's Desire To Be Submissive

When I discovered that Jack had been paying money to see a dominatrix, it was like my whole world came crashing down. At that moment I didn't want anything to do with him. Aside from the simple idea that he was paying money for sexual services of some kind, it was money that we needed for our family.




We had two children in college. Jack made a decent salary, but with college, car notes, insurance, and all; we were always tight for money. At one time we even decided to pass on a summer vacation just to be sure there was had enough money for college. I felt so alienated from him. Once again it felt like there was a he and a she. It no longer felt like there was an us. Just the thought hurt.

There was a lot of information on the internet about dominance and submission. 

Most of it was trash, but I did get the idea that the job of dominatrix was to bring men to their knees in some way, shape, or form. I saw the pictures of big bested women with scanty outfits holding whips in their hands. It gave me a sick feeling. When I told Jack that I wanted her name and phone number, he gave me only an Uh and then silence. I repeated, and told him that if he ever wanted to be back in the house he had better tell me what I want to know and to do is quickly. He gave me the number and then hesitated. I said tell me her name. He said 'mistress Tara'. I just laughed when I heard the mistress word. I thought while she has him by the balls.

After some hesitation I did make the call. A man answered. There was no way I was go to ask to speak with Mistress Tara. I briefly explained to him that my husband had been seeing a lady by the name of Tara, and that I wished to speak with her. I really thought he was going to hang up the phone, but after a few minutes a female voice answered with a "hello, I'm Tara, how can I help you." I remember the knot in my throat as well as I remember anything that happened on our wedding day. I just told her that my husband had been one of her customers, and that I would like to talk with her.

Without hesitation, she 'Tara' invited me to her studio, as she called it. 

She said, don't worry her studio was female friendly to a degree and she would love to visit with me. The door was opened by a middle age man waring yellow panties and a big yellow ribbon in his hair. I was a little taken back by the site of this gentlemen, but he was extremely polite. As he took my rain jacket, he did a curtsy, and bowed his head. At that moment Tara came walking in. She greeted me with a smile and a hand shake. With Tara in the room the gentlemen no longer spoke. He just looked down and followed us to the living room. She instructed him to bring us each a glass of wine.

Again, as he entered the room, he did a curtsy. In my entire life I have never dreamed a man would ever act so subservient in front of a women. I was embarrassed for him. She simply dismissed him from the room with a small swipe of her hand. He did a curtsy and left. I thought this women may be a bitch and thief, but she knows how to handle men.

Tara, excuse me, 'Mistress Tara' and I spoke for well over three hours. 

We talked about her, her education, and how she got into this type of work. We talked about men. We talked about men in general, and then we talked about my Jack. That part of the discussion left be flabbergasted. She knew so much about Jack. She knew the names of our children, their ages, and where they went to school. She knew what we both did for a living. Above all, she knew that Jack was very submissive. The disturbing part was that she seamed to know more about Jack than I did.

One of the ideas that Tara has is that just about everyone puts on a different face depending on the role they are playing. As a military officer, Jack acted a certain way. As a husband, he acted another way. The way he acted in each role was dependent on the expectations that were put on him. She explained, however, when a man kneels before his dominatrix he usually bears his full heart and soul. For her being a dominatrix was not about sessions or just doing what the man wanted her to do, it was about getting to know his inner self. She knew how to bring out the inner submissive self that for many men had been locked away since childhood.

Tara told me that my Jack was very submissive, but in her experience, there are a lot of submissive men in the world; and it is nothing to be ashamed of. 

She laughed and said it is a lot better than being an ax murderer. At least I could agree with her on that. After a while I asked her the same questions I had put to Jack. I asked her what do you mean by submissive. She said in simplest terms that submissive men are those who like to be bossed around by women. That time it was my turn to laugh. Each time we were close to finishing a glass of wine, she clapped her hands. At that signal the middle age man came into the room, did his curtsy, and brought us another glass.

I had to ask her how did he know the clap meant to bring another glass of wine. She just laughed, and said it is the way he is trained. One clap means bring another of what we are having. Two claps means come in for directions. Sure enough when it was time to leave, Tara clapped her hands twice. Her male servant immediately came into the room, and she told him to fetch Miss Caroline's rain jacket. Again, I thought this women knows how to handle a man.

On the way out I asked about her male servant. 

I told her that I was impressed with how well he obeyed her. She told me that he was actually one of he favorite slaves. When she used the word slave, I was a little taken back. She waited just a second and said, yes, he is really is a slave in most ways. Legally he is free to go where he wants and do what he wants. However, she explained there is nothing he would rather do then to serve her. By this time we had reached the front door where the gentlemen was waiting with my jacket. Since he was then next to us, I assumed she would stop talking about him.To the contrary she continued talking about him in the third person just as if he was not in the room, or as if he was a pet. Once again, I felt embarrassed for him in this awkward situation,to simply have to stand there, in panties, holding a jacket, listening to two women talk about him. Again,I wondered just how subservient a man could become when under the influence of a women.

On one hand I could tell Tara felt very bad about the hurt she caused me. On the other hand she implied that she helped Jack find something that he needed, that he couldn't get at home. She invited me to come back. She wanted me to view interactions with some of her clients. She wanted me to understand more about what she did with men, and why it was important for submissive men to have a dominant female in their life. By this I knew that I also wanted to know more.

As FemDom mistress, I have received countless emails of people asking me how to begin a successful and long-lasting FemDom relationship. This blog here is an attempt to recount some old stories, but if you want to take your FemDom relationship seriously I recommend that you check out my book, The FemDom Relationship Guide: How Submissive Men and Strong Women Can Have Successful Long-Term Relationships. You can check it out on Amazon or read the post introducing my book, where I describe how I started my FemDom relationship and how it developed.

This book contains all my wisdom  and experiences of > 10 years in a FemDom relationship combined.  I wish I would have had it when my husband suggest we begin FemDom...