How To Accept A Submissive Male

I slowly began to understand what Kimberly told me on our first visit, 'at least he is not an ax murderer'.

It was then I made the first step toward reconciliation. Jack was so surprised when I called him. Without prior discussion I simply told him that it would be good for us to talk in person. I could sense his fear on the cell phone. He thought I was going to ask for a divorce.




There was a little coffee shop we both knew. I suggested that we meet there on Sunday afternoon. It was then that I used a little teasing trick that I learned from Kimberly.

Instead of giving Jack an exact time for our meeting, I simply told him that I would be in the coffee shop between one and two in the afternoon; and to wait for me at the front door. I didn't ask him, I just told him. Instead of siting in a comfortable chair, reading a new paper, I wanted him standing at the door. The longer a man waited for you, the happier he was to see you. This was especially true when he had to stand. It was a little nasty, a little cruel, but somehow I wanted Jack to suffer for the privilege of being with me. I wanted him to learn to appreciate the women he had taken for granted. Also, on some level I wanted to find a way to punish him for seeing a dominatrix.

You know from reading this blog that I never stooped loving Jack. 

Once I got over the anger of him seeing a dominatrix and spending money on her, it was a matter of how can we make our relationship work. I knew he was submissive. If we simply denied Jack's submissive nature in our relationship, he would either be a very frustrated man, or he would eventually find another outlet for his submissive need. I didn't want him reading the dirty magazines, or running off to visit another dominatrix. If Jack was going to kneel at the feet of a women, it was going to be at my feet. If Jack needed to have a mistress to be happy, I was going to be that mistress. In other words for us to again live as husband and wife, we would also need to be mistress and slave. I rejected the knight metaphor that a lot of women like for their submissive husbands. At that point I was a strong, confident women that didn't need a man to protect me, or at least that is what I told myself.

The problem, of course, was how do you maintain a mistress/slave type relationship in the real world. It was one thing to do this in a studio for an hour or two, but how do you live with a man as his mistress in the every day world. You can't run around with a whip in your hand twenty four hours a day. Besides, being the boss, the mistress in a relationship could be a lot of work. Even in the studio is was exhausting to just deal with a man for a couple of hours. There was no way I could or wanted to be a twenty four hour a day dominatrix with my husband.

Toward the end of my extended visits with Kimberly, we begin to talk about living the lifestyle of a mistress. 

She had what she freely described as a slave husband. Her husband had a good job. He worked in operations for a local bank. His paycheck went into her checking account. She gave him a weekly allowance for such things as lunches and thing he needed to purchase. The allowance was very small, and didn't give him any room for extras. When not at work he had responsibilities in the condo. She gave him very little free time. I wondered how could this man possibly be happy. In just about every aspect of life this man was a slave, and she refereed to him as a slave husband. Kimberly also told me that in her opinion Jack was at least as submissive as her husband. This information, coming from a women who knew my husband better than I did, gave me pause for thought. Kimberly had doubts that my husband could ever be happy in a relationship where he was not dominated to some degree.

By this time I knew enough about dominance and submission to understand that this was not something that could be changed by therapy. It was simply the way some men were made. Also, whatever Jack was, he was still my husband. He was the same man I married and shared my bed for many years. Even if I could I had no desire to change him. In a way I just wanted him to open up to me. To show me his inner self. The real Jack, not the veneer he showed to the world.
It still bothered me that he had been more honest about his needs with a strange women than he had been with me. This was, of course, because of his fear of rejection. Also, he was just too embarrassed to admit to his wife that he needed her to dominate him.

As FemDom mistress, I have received countless emails of people asking me how to begin a successful and long-lasting FemDom relationship. This blog here is an attempt to recount some old stories, but if you want to take your FemDom relationship seriously I recommend that you check out my book, The FemDom Relationship Guide: How Submissive Men and Strong Women Can Have Successful Long-Term Relationships. You can check it out on Amazon or read the post introducing my book, where I describe how I started my FemDom relationship and how it developed.

This book contains all my wisdom  and experiences of > 10 years in a FemDom relationship combined.  I wish I would have had it when my husband suggest we begin FemDom...